From Unending Blues to the Good News

About a month ago I went to a new-ish worship festival called David’s Tent. I’d never heard of it before, and so had no idea what to expect. The premise was 24/3: continuous worship in a huge tent for 3 days straight (obviously not everyone was there all the time – sleep was acceptable). Having had 2 hectic years at university without being able to make it to any similar events due to work commitments and time pressures I was a little worried that I may have become out of the loop with the friendship group I was meeting up with. As soon as I arrived I realised I needn’t have had any such worries – I was made to feel as welcome as I would have been had I seen them only a week ago!

        The first evening I felt, against my will, slightly out of place. Since going to uni I’d remained Catholic but opted for the quieter, peaceful atmosphere of a very traditional church to escape from my unending busy schedule, and had been unable to find anywhere that embraced the charismatic renewal lifestyle I had been brought up in. I realised that in the past 2 years something had happened which I would never have expected prior to leaving home: I had become more accustomed to quiet, low-key prayer than lively praise and worship. 

        As the retreat went on I was very quickly reminded of why I’ve always loved worship, and just how much I could get out of it. I naturally became caught up in the glorious atmosphere of the presence of God, and found myself feeling completely at home. In fact it wasn’t just like being at home – it was as though I was returning home!

        What I hadn’t mentioned to anyone was that I wasn’t just there to experience the joyful buzz, I was there out of desperation. In the recent weeks the depression that I’d suffered with since I was 13 years old had been regaining strength to the extent that I was terrified of handing over all control to it once again. The plans I had spent so long working on for my life were being turned upside down by uncertainty about whether they were God’s plans or simply my own, I was suffering from severe stress around the workload for my degree and I generally felt utterly lost. But it was in one of the afternoon ‘breakout’ sessions – or talks – that I heard the phrase I had been sent there to hear: 

“God is breaking you so that you can know He is the only one who can satisfy you.” 

        The following day I was in a worship session led by Jesus Culture’s Bryan and Katie Torwalt. As they prepared to play a particular song they recounted the times that people had reported intense healing taking place whilst it was being sung, and listed the ailments that they felt God wanted to heal in that moment. I felt certain that God was trying to heal me of something, and when they said ‘sports injuries’ my attention automatically turned to my back, in which I’d suffered from a lot of pain for several months since a rowing injury. But as they prayed over these conditions something didn’t feel quite right. 

        It was then that Katie added clinical depression to the list. She stressed that it was serious enough to be medicated, which I was, and I knew God was speaking to me. As I sat curled up with my head on my knees I felt a friend praying over me, and as the Torwalts played the song I had a distinct vision of my hand holding a red balloon. God came and cut the string it was attached to, and as the balloon drifted away I began to rejoice at His healing power. But then He took me back to that image and I realised the hand was still holding the remaining section of string. I felt Him urging me to let go of the past and release the delusion that my depression made up my personality. As hard as I tried I couldn’t let go, and I resigned myself to the fact that maybe I just wasn’t ready, or wasn’t strong enough. Then, as the final chord of the song resounded from Bryan Torwalt’s guitar, I saw as clear as day the hand open and the string fall to the ground. It still takes effort to prevent myself giving in when life is tough, but since that moment I have felt a sense of peace and freedom which I’ve lacked for 7 years. The negative thoughts are fewer and less intense, and when they come I am now able to hand them completely over to the Lord.

        Mine is just one of several accounts of being healed of depression I’ve heard recently. THIS IS GOD’S YEAR OF HEALING!!

When stereotyping goes too far… the ‘mental patient’ costume controversy.

        All publicity is good publicity. Well, in the case of the recent controversy surrounding the ‘mental patient’ costumes on sale at various supermarket chains in the UK, that may well be the case. It is rare that an organic, natural opportunity for fighting stigma arises – most of the time we see well planned-out print campaigns or dedicated charity efforts. But today something incredible happened. A spontaneous outbreak on Twitter as a response to the public outrage at such costumes being on sale well and truly put sceptics in their place about the strength of mental health campaigners.

        ‘Mind’ charity and the ‘Time to Change’ campaign combined forces to challenge Twitter users to tweet pictures of their own ‘mental patient’ costume, with the emphasis being on the idea – the fact! – that such an outfit is not fancy dress, but merely identical to the every-day dress code of the general public. In other words: I, as a former ‘mental patient’, am exactly like any one of you. I do not, apparently contrary to the opinion of Halloween costume designers, have un-combed hair, wear a blood stained, torn-up nightie, or carry an axe for those oh-so-common moments when I lose control of my own behaviour and feel compelled to hack into the nearest unfortunate passer-by. 

        Responses to the call for more realistic portrayals included photos of a former inpatient on her recent wedding day, several people wearing jeans and T-shirts going about their daily business, and a man in a suit on his way to work. All of whom had suffered from some form of mental health condition. Nowhere to be seen were any abnormalities or deviations from the accepted social norm. 

        With such regular focus in the news on the stigma surrounding mental health, and whether it is necessary, it seems unbelievable that in 2013 supposedly family-orientated supermarkets would deem it acceptable to display such disgusting suggestions. Whilst schools are working hard to teach children tolerance of individual differences based on an anti-discrimination viewpoint, they are simultaneously being presented with the paradoxical image of a wholly false stereotype during standard shopping trips with their parents.

        Despite the scope of the modern internet era, you may wonder how a Twitter movement, with its limited target market, can change the views of an opinionated society. The fact is that to change many we must begin with changing one. Each one person who encounters the #mentalpatient phenomenon which, incidentally has gone as far as to be trending on Twitter, will be confronted with the reality that mental patients, as they have been thoughtlessly dubbed by the supermarkets in question, are in so many respects exactly the same as anyone else, and so we have no cause to fear them – as suggested by advertisements proclaiming ‘everyone will run away from you in fear… it’s a terrifying Halloween option!’

       Twitter, and the brave people who have shared their stories, I salute you.  

The kindness of strangers...

Throughout the organisation of the CCCBC row to London one thing I've been struck by is the willingness of people to help out! Yes, there have been plenty of occasions when multi-million pound corporations have refused to offer just one of their products, or the media has been disinterested on the basis of my unwillingness to display shocking photos of my former self, but for every one of those occasions there has been a moment of joy when someone has given up their time or resources to help our cause.

For that reason, we as a crew would really like to thank the following people for their ongoing help and support. Have a flick through and you'll be amazed at the selflessness of these people, many of whom have never met us...

Nick Watts selflessly offered his services as a highly accomplished PR manager to help spread the word about our event.

 Stitch Rowing have provided us with bespoke kit including unisuits, fleeces, caps and trackies.

 Carl Morris designed our fantastic logo for the event and is also cycling the whole way with us to ensure our safety.

Fuller's pubs have kindly given us £300 to help with the cost of transporting the boat back and hiring a suitable support vehicle. They are also holding a launch event at the Head of the River in Oxford and a finish event at The Dove in Hammersmith. Their logo is printed on our kit as official sponsors.

The Food Doctor not only invited us to London for a nutirtion consultation to help us get the most out of our training, but also sent a hamper of balanced, nutritious snacks for us to take with us.

The Stafford branch of the Soroptimist society gave us £50 which will be used to fuel the support vehicle.

Bounce sent us some great protein balls to help repair our muscles after each day.

Maxitone gave us some Promax high-protein fruit drinks.

Nuun gave us 60% off their yummy products to help us hydrate in training.

Additionally:
- Absolute Sports Nutrition: SiS 'Go' Electrolyte powder
- Martin Mottershead butchers: BBQ for one meal
- Stafford Motorhomes: reduced hire of our support vehicle

Without all of these people the event would not have turned into the success we are now hoping it will be, and we are truly humbled by and grateful for everything they have done!

180km. 4 days. PAIN!

    About a year ago I had a crazy idea. That is, crazier than my usual ideas…

         I had been volunteering for Beat for a couple of years but had recently increased my awareness/media work, and so decided it was about time I dabbled in the fundraising aspect to my Young Ambassador role. Simple, right? But the problem with having an anorexic personality is that I’m a perfectionist: I didn’t want to do something easy; I wanted to step outside my comfort zone, push myself to the limits and do something which had never been done before.

        That was when it dawned on me. Rowing had been the main factor in helping me maintain my recovery at uni – due to the need for good nutrition to build physical strength in order to succeed – so it seemed fitting to combine the two. As a small club, we didn’t have the resources to cross the channel or row around the British coast, but I realised we could plausibly row 180km down the Thames from Oxford to London, which no all-female crew has attempted before! I suggested it to the rest of my crew, fully expecting it to be taken as just another of my wild ideas, but was pleasantly surprised when they all immediately replied saying they would love to! I’m still not sure whether that was the start of something great, or bad news because it meant that from that point on there was no turning back.

The squad taking part.

        Rowing is a really good way to meet people in other year groups and also form a really close friendship group – seeing each other at 6am every morning on the river means you inevitably become attached to each other. This close bond and camaraderie has equipped us well for the gruelling training schedule we have had to undergo in preparation for the event because it has enabled everyone to support each other through the pain of icy mornings on the water, hours at a time spent on the rowing machines and murderous circuit sessions. Our closeness is also the thing which we will be relying on most during the journey to keep us motivated and upbeat throughout, despite the inevitable excruciating muscle ache and horrific weeping palm blisters.

        The theme for Eating Disorder Awareness Week this year was ‘Everybody knows somebody’ – a phrase which has really rung true in discussing individual crew members’ reasons for taking part. As I discovered when we were asked to give a crew interview, nearly every one of them has been exposed to eating disorders either personally, or through family and friends! Francesca (20) summed up her motivation, saying:

“Watching my sister fight her ED means I have not been shielded from the real difficulties sufferers face - not just in their minds, but also from the stigma society holds against them. Every painful training session seems worth it if it can help to fight for better treatment for sufferers of EDs.”

        With a matter of days to go before the launch, we are all quickly becoming a complex mixture of excited and terrified, and so would really appreciate any support we can get – be it financial or in cheers from the river bank along the way (get in touch at esther.rich@ccc.ox.ac.uk if you’d like to know the timings).

If you’d like to help make our pain worthwhile, support us at: www.justgiving.com/londonrow

    Anyone in the London area is also very welcome to come to our finish party at ‘The Dove’ on Hammersmith Bridge – 3.30pm on Wednesday 26^th June.